Differing Perspectives
I have two neighbors. One is a self-admittedly naive individual, the other is an infamous womanizer. Because of a religious debate one day, their opposing views were revealed and I decided to interview them on various topics. The following dialogue discusses a broad range of concepts such as love, sex, religion, self-perception, etc…
So, sit back and enjoy the disparity between these two personalities.
[Note: the questions are clickable links that take you to the equivalent question of the other interview]
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The following is an interview of one called Lauren. She is 20 years old and is self-admittedly naïve. Through the course of this, we discover her ideal view of the world and its inhabitants.
Lauren Interview
1. So, Lauren: How do you feel about true love? Do you think it exists?
Yeah, I think yeah, and when you are truly in love you’ll know it.
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2. So true love exists. What about soul mates, think they exist?
Yeah, I honestly do. I don’t think you just have 1 soul mate.
How many exactly?
It depends for each person. It depends on their circumstances in life and the events that lead to their soul mates.
Like a maze?
Mm hm. Like “God-bless the broken road that led me straight to you.”
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3. How would you describe love?
Um, when someone’s like your best friend and you wanna spend all your time with them; you love them.
You just know?
You just know.
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No.
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5. How do you feel about marriage?
I’m all for marriage.
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6. Why do you think 50% of all marriages end in divorce today?
Well, first of all, I’m not totally against divorce. I think that certain things happen…
So, there are situations where it is ok?
Well yeah… If you’re married to your soul mate, you won’t get a divorce.
Cuz you don’t want to?
Right, and you’ll want to work through these problems, and you won’t cheat on someone, and you won’t care if they work late because you still love them.
Very noble.
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7. When should people get married? When’s a good time?
Age is just a number! Like what age or when?
No, just when is the time right?
I think the moment – granted, remember I have no experience in this – but I think that like when you meet someone, I’ll take my Dad for example (not that I wanna marry my Dad) but he said,” The moment,” – he could be lying – but he said,” The moment he saw my mom he thought in his head, ‘That’s the woman I’m going to marry’.” So I think that that’s how it should be.
[Friend of Lauren]: I wish.
This one’s jaded.
So, love at first sight: real or urban legend?
Um… real. I don’t think though that everyone has love at first sight. I mean it’s a rarity. Like I don’t think that if you don’t automatically love the person you could still be their soul mate, so it’s definitely a rarity.
Do you have it?
Not yet.
So how do you know if you have it or not?
You just know.
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8. Do you ever think about your own wedding?
[Scoffs] Yeah.
Why?
It’s gonna be like, awesome.
Well, that’s what you think about it, but why do you think about it?
I don’t – I think it’s more of a girl thing. It’s not really that sentimental, it’s more of like: my pretty dress, and what dance am I gonna dance to, and my bride’s maids.
What about the guy?
Well, that – he’s just an afterthought!
Really I just think about my dress.
It’s probably expensive.
I don’t really think about the price, I just think about what it looks like.
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9. How do you approach relationships?
Well, since I’ve never really been in a real relationship, so…
Well, you have an attitude toward relationships, so…
I think that like…..
Like if you see someone, should you be like,” Hey let’s go out” or are you more friends first and then it just happens.
Well, I was gonna say friends first, but then doesn’t that totally undo my thing about like, “This is the person I’m going to marry” [in reference to love at first sight]. So I would say in my head, “This is the person I’m going to marry! Let’s be friends first!”
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10. Do you think it’s best to go fast or slow?
Um, slow.
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11. Why should you break up with somebody?
Um, besides the obvious: they cheated on you…. When you don’t want to be around them a lot and when they’re not your main priority.
So there are unforgivable acts? Like cheating and…
Well, no, they’re forgivable but….
It’s ok to break up with them?
[Due to terrible recording skills, this section is lost. I apologize.]
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Yeah.
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Crushes, I’d say often.
Was there a “but” to that?
Well, I don’t fall madly in love with anyone. But I usually get crushes on people I know I can’t have. Like teachers.
Like John Eric Morse.
Morser!
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14. How close are you to Mom and Dad?
[Laughs] Freakishly close.
Anything in particular?
I mean we don’t have like sex or anything.
Again with the parents and the….
No, like right now I’m fine, I talk to them everyday (?) on the phone. I call them they don’t call me. Like I’m fine right now, but I’m sure when I go home and then have to come back here I’ll be really really homesick. You didn’t see me at the beginning of this year. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Was it Dana [Lauren's roommate]? But yeah, really close. I feel we have like a real relationship, you know?
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15. Are they your parents or are they your friends? Or do they walk a fine line?
They’re not like Dina Lohan & Lindsay Lohan. My mom and I don’t get drunk together but I would say they’re my parents first and then my friends, but my parents first.
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16. How do they feel about your life right now, do you think?
I think they’re proud of me.
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17. Now I know you have a sister, 14? So you play ‘big sister’.
But she’s a lot more mature than me in a lot of aspects.
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18. Your life right now, would you want the same for her or something different?
Yeah, I like my life.
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19. Do you know how your parents acted when they were in college?
My Dad was like beyond wild. And my Mom I think was like, I thought she was a nerd but I’ve been looking through her old pictures and no longer do I think she was – I think she was shy at first and then – I think my Mom and I are a lot more alike in that we do better in smaller situations. And my Dad tells me like he was crazy. I tell him I would’ve hated him in college.
So, your Mom was similar but your Dad was a frat guy I’m guessing.
He like lived at the frat house but wasn’t in the frat. He was on the hockey team and all his hockey player friends were in that frat.
I think the sentence, “Live at the frat house but wasn’t in the frat” is very descriptive.
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20. Now this was inspired by the other night, do you believe in God?
Yeah.
Why?
Um, I just always know He’s there and like helping me.
You just know?
Yeah, you can’t like say why, you just know.
Do you think there are multiple gods or just the one?
Just the one.
Could God create a boulder so heavy that He Himself could not lift it?
If he wanted to.
But then he wouldn’t be able to lift it, making him not all-powerful.
That’s a weird question! I plead the fifth.
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I belie-, like I defini-, like well, aren’t they all the same person? But I pray, like whenever I pray, it’s to God. But I believe in Jesus, obviously. And I don’t really get the whole fact that they’re the same person, whatever, that’s over my head. But I always just pray to God.
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22. Do you believe in heaven and hell?
I definitely believe in heaven. I find it hard to believe about hell, just sometimes I’m like, “Why God would want anyone to go to Hell?” So me, personally, I don’t really believe in hell, but I could just not know enough.
What is heaven like, if it exists?
Ever since I was little, I’ve always pictured that we’re all at this really long table. Like ever since I was little this is how I pictured it: that we’re all sitting around and eating! Typical fat ass, I know. And it just, like – I think everyone’s heaven is different just because we all want our own….heaven. Like if I want to be my age now and my Mom wants to be twenty, that’s weird. So in my heaven she would be my Mom but I don’t know, hopefully I’d be her daughter in heaven or that’d be just dismal. And I believe all pets go to heaven.
What about bad pets?
There are no bad pets. Pets don’t have the capacity to be so bad that they couldn’t go to heaven.
What about animals?
Animals; that’s what I meant by pets.
Like an alligator?
They’re all God’s creatures.
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23. Are there other forms of afterlife? Reincarnation or ghosts, perhaps?
No. I love Charmed but I don’t think so.
How do you end up there?
In heaven? You die.
Well, yeah, I mean everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.
Well, I mean I guess you have to go through Purgatory.
But is it behaving well or…?
Oh, I don’t believe that if you don’t believe in Jesus you’re not going to heaven. I believe that if you’re a good person and you do good things to others, then you’ll go to heaven. I don’t think that a Jewish person isn’t going to heaven because they don’t believe in God. And I believe that Chris will even go to heaven, believe it or not!
He’s not a bad guy.
Right, just cuz he doesn’t believe in God – I think he’s gonna go to heaven.
It’ll be a shock to him!
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24. Are you familiar with the Bible?
No, not really. I went to CCB and read the passages but I’ve never like read it for fun.
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25. Do you think it’s literal or …?
I don’t think you can take everything in it literally.
Like Noah and the Ark?
Yeah.
Think Jesus walked on water?
Yeah.
Water into wine?
Yeah.
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26. Now, you guys attend church right?
They do a lot more – err- Diana does a lot more than I do.
Do you?
I only – like my family only really goes like on Christmas and Easter.
Any reason for that?
I think we’re just lazy.
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27. If someone’s behaving differently from heaven-worthy, should you consider it your or someone else’s responsibility to change them?
I don’t think it’s your responsibility to preach to them or anything but I think it’d be a nice thing to do, but you can only help people so – they have to wanna help themselves.
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28. Do you drink?
Last weekend! I went through a period where I was like, “No, I’m not drinking at all!” And yeah, I always felt bad about myself the next day.
Why do you drink?
Cuz it’s fun at the time. Well actually, this past weekend I didn’t do that [reference to feeling bad afterwards]. I think I’m getting better. I used to feel that’s why I didn’t want to drink, cuz I felt so bad about myself after but now, I’m getting cooler man!
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My first drink, like, first time I got drunk I was actually 15 but that was with my corrupt best friend and then I don’t think I drank again until like a long time after that.
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30. Why did you have that first one?
Well, just like she drank; we were at her beach house, she was like, “We’ll go into my Mom’s alcohol!” And I was like, “Ok!”
12 hours later…
No, it was like 10 seconds later because I didn’t have any tolerance.
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31. What’s you attitude toward drinking?
Neutral. I used to think it was like bad but….
[Once again, terrible recording skills lose dialogue to history...]
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32. How do you feel about cigarettes?
They’re kinda gross, I mean I’ve smoked cigarettes before but all I got was this really gross taste in my mouth. I’m not as against them as Dana [Lauren's Roommate] but I’m against them.
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33. Have you done any other “drugs”?
[Shakes head]
No?
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34. Ever think you’ll try them?
No, I just have no interest. I have no interest in weed at all.
Well, if you’re gonna do one, that’s the one to do!
I know, that’d be the best thing to do but, no.
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35. Is it ok to use condoms or birth control?
Yeah, I would say they’re encouraged, even though that’s against the Catholic Church.
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36. How do you feel about others using everything just mentioned before?
To each his own.
What about your friends?
Encourage birth control or condoms, and like to each her own.
What about that one guy you find, what if he uses that stuff?
Birth control and condoms? Well, that’s good.
What about the other stuff?
I don’t think the person that I will find, per se, will like – I mean he can drink but I don’t think he’ll want to do that stuff, excessively. That’s incompatible with me.
But a little bit’s ok?
Not drugs. But like – well my Dad doesn’t drink so I’m use to like the men not drinking. So, to me, I’d prefer no, but I mean you’re not gonna find anyone…
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37. What’s your attitude toward, this is a little vague, others? How do you treat strangers?
I think I’m nice to them.
Like, take Kent for example. Before we knew him as Kent, do you remember how you treated him?
Well, the first time I – like I remember him changing a light bulb and his stomach was hanging out and jiggling, and I was kinda grossed out. So maybe that wasn’t very nice but I think I’m usually in my own little world. And I also, actually, when I’m on campus I always look at people and wonder what their life is like.
Really?
So maybe I’m not in my own little world. But I’m like, “I wonder where they’re coming from or what they’re doing or what their family’s like or their friends…”
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38. How does someone become a friend?
Um…
It’s a difficult question.
Just like common interests. Like…it’s kinda like finding your soul mate but on a less- like a less scale.
So you can be a friend like instantly or also have a long warm-up period too?
I think like you just know when you have your friends.
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[Laughs] Yeah, I think so.
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41. How do you feel about them?
I love them. My friends are these two. I mean, either way, it’s “I love them.”
But there’s more, I mean after Diana leaves you’re still going to be friends with her.
No, I know. Well unless she doesn’t want to be friends with me.
What about Haley and Jacqueline [Friends of Lauren]?
I love them too. I would say I have different degrees of friends. They’re all in my main group, but like the ones closer to my age are my best, best, best friends, and they’re [meaning other friends] are just my best friends.
It’s the “Top 8″ format right?
Yeah.
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42. How do you think they feel about you?
You’d have to ask them! I think they just think I’m like funny, you know, nothing like deep but funny.
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Yeah, I think we’re closer than a lot of friends.
Anything in particular come to mind?
No, like we rub each other in body oil and lick it off each other. I’m just kidding! I’m a funny one!
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44. Do they do anything that upsets you or makes you feel bad? Either intentional or accidental?
No…
[Friend of Lauren]: We won’t be offended.
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45. Do you do anything that makes them feel bad, that you know of?
I hope not.
So you guys never fight over little stuff?
No.
So every time I come in here you guys are gonna be happy?
We’re not happy, but not like fighting. If we’re not happy, I’d say 9 times out of 10 it’s not anything the other person did, it’s just like something in our day.
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46. Is there anything that could drive you guys apart?
I guess like, maybe different lives.
The maze you were speaking of just pulls you?
Yeah.
Any boys ever come between you guys.
Like when we both like the same boy?
That’s a good example.
No, I don’t think so.
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47. Ever wish you could meet some new people?
I don’t want any more girl friends. I mean, it’s nice to have friends you meet in your classes and occasionally do lunch or do homework, but not like real friends.
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48. If you had to describe yourself, how would you?
Um…like… I would say naïve. That’s it!
In one word, ok. Naïve and…
And like…that’s it. Funny. Self-proclaimed funny.
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49. Do you find yourself attractive or appealing, physically?
Sometimes you look in the mirror and you’re like, “I’m not that bad” and sometimes you’re like, “Oh my GOD! How are people friends with me!?!”
Do you have the other extreme too?
Like, “Oh my god, I’m so pretty!?” No, I’ve never looked in the mirror and thought “Damn I’m so hot!” but I’ll be like “Ok, you look goo- you look- you can go out. You look nice.”
Presentable?
“You look presentable.” But you’ll always be able to find something wrong with yourself.
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50. What about non-physically? Are you appealing?
I think so. I feel like people don’t find me unlikable, they just might not think of me.
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51. Do you have low self esteem?
No.
Do you have high self esteem? Or a nice middle?
It’s a nice middle. I’d say middle to high. Not like “hot” I mean, but not low.
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52. Have you ever been depressed?
Like, I’ve been really sad – but no, I would never say I’ve been depressed.
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53. How do you rationalize successes and failures? I’m applying my psychology class to this one.
I have a very internal locust of control.
You took psychology too! And you’re using it against me.
So I would say if I do well, I worked really hard or if I did bad it’s like “I clearly sucked.” Or I didn’t try hard enough.
Do you have a recent example?
I got an A on my paper and I was really really happy because I worked really hard and went to his office hours a lot. Sucked his dick.
Do you have recent failures?
Today I was gonna ask my one teacher about, if he would feel comfortable, writing me a letter of recommendation but I got too scared, so that was a failure.
Why’d you get scared?
I just got scared. He’s intimidating.
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54. Ok. This is a theory I endorse (I think I made it up but whatever): It’s the theory that everyone is in love with themselves. Do you think that’s true?
Um… I think in order to love anyone else you have to love yourself.
But be in love with yourself?
No, not like sexually. I think you have to be comfortable and happy to be yourself but I wouldn’t say you’re in love with yourself.
So, if another Lauren walked in the room – no, a Louis walked in the room?
I’d tap that, just kidding [in reference to a Lauren entering the room]. I don’t think people are necessarily compatible if they have the exact same personality.
Would you find you’d annoy yourself?
Probably; we’ll ask my colleagues: do I annoy them?
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55. Are you out-going or introverted?
I’d say outgoing. I’m really really out-going when I get to know people.
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56. How does your behavior change from small groups to medium groups to big groups?
Slowly less like – I would say a big party, where I don’t know anyone, I’m just standing there awkwardly. And then I get more comfortable the smaller the group.
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57. Does it change over different environments like at a party or in school or at home?
I’m pretty stagnant.
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[Laughs] Worth what?
That’s all it says: Are you worth it?
Yes.
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59. Time for the nitty gritty. How do you describe sex?
I find it more and more awkward with every story I hear. Cuz I used to think it was one thing but now I just find all these new things. So awkward.
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60. Do you think your first time would be scary or happy or anxious, guilty?
I bet I’d feel guilty afterwards, that’s just typical of me. I would say anxious, then hopefully happy.
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61. When is sex ok?
To each his own.
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62. Do you think it’s a true indicator of a relationship?
Um, no.
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63. What’s taboo?
It’s this game that you play…What do you mean, what’s taboo in what?
Sex.
Like forcing people to do things you don’t wanna do. Or like them forcing you.
As long as it’s mutual it’s ok?
Yeah. [Laughs] I’m not like this kinky freak, so I wouldn’t want to do many things but, to each his own.
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64. Ever think you’ll do some crazy stuff?
No. They say I will but I don’t think.
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65. You’re not having sex now, I assume.
Currently, no.
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There’s no one that I feel comfortable enough to have sex with.
Do you think you will soon?
No, I don’t think I’m emotionally ready. Are these the exact same questions you’re asking Chris?
Yeah, I thought of some these questions with you in mind and some with Chris in mind. This is the Chris section.
You haven’t been with any guys and I hope neither has Chris.
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The following is an interview of one called Chris. He is 22 years old and an experienced individual. Through the course of this, we discover his disillusioned view of the word and its inhabitants.
Chris Interview
1. Do you feel true love exists?
Hell, the fuck, no. There’s no such thing as true love. There’s always going to be someone out there more compatible for you than the person you’re with.
There’s always someone?
There’s always going to be someone out there more compatible than the person you’re with. It’s true.
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No. Soul mates don’t exist.
Any reason why?
There’s no such thing as soul mates. Ok, here’s my question: I’m married to this wonderful lady for twenty years. We have three kids, right? We are so in love, beyond in love. She dies in a car wreck, right? Five years go on and I meet a new lady and I marry her and I have a great time with her. Now she dies and I die and we go to heaven, who do I get stuck with? Wife number 1 or wife number 2?
[Friend of Chris]: You get both; it’s heaven.
So she’s up there waiting for me because I’m her “soul mate”, but yet I found somebody else to knock boots with. It’s all bullshit.
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3. How would you describe love?
What is love? A four letter word.
Which entails…?
Uh, one vowel and three consonants.
Oh, it’s just a word?
It’s just a word. Love is………[Singing] What is love to do with it?
Is that your answer?
Yeah.
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4. Have you ever been in love, Chris?
I loved Eudeara [Previous girlfriend], but I was not in love with Eudeara.
What’s the difference?
I cared for her deeply but… What is love?
That’s what I asked you before.
I don’t know. It’s… it’s a four letter word. I felt more for her than I felt for anybody else but to say that’s love is to be … a little … presumptuous.
How’d it go?
She took my heart and destroyed it. It went great and then it got crazy and then… she worked me over. And now I’m single, sitting on the couch, talking to you. That’s my life in a nut shell.
If you could do it over again, would you do it different or the same?
Different. I’d do it again but a lot different. I wouldn’t be – I wouldn’t do nice things for her. When I was a bitch I was in control, and then when I was like, “Hey you know what? I really care for this person so we’ll stop fighting and all this” and she walked all over me. And she controlled it. And she even said it,” You’re too nice of a guy.” And girls don’t want the nice guy. When I’m a jackass to girls, fucking, their pants drop so quick.
I guess it changed your perspectives.
It did. I used to be an extremely nice guy. I actually was waiting to lose my virginity to the right girl.
Lauren: What a prude, god!
I know, who does that nowadays?
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5. How do you feel about marriage?
Single for life is my motto.
Seriously.
What is the point of marriage? You have to prove to everybody you’re compatible by getting it in writing? And then the church has to ok it? Fuck the church. Who are they to say with marriage and stuff? Church is gonna have no part in my marriage. I don’t give two shits if they say whatever. Like all it is is saying like,” We want it on writing that we’re compatible together.” And then after that, you get a divorce and she takes half your shit. Cuz why? She was there for you? Pshh. She’s fucking the pool boy.
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6. Why do you think 50% of marriages end in divorce today?
Because there’s no such thing as true love. People aren’t compatible. Who wants to be around somebody all day, every day? Even your best friends you want time apart. And then you get to know a person. And you never can actually know a person fully. You think you know somebody but there are always secrets.
So, just too much time together or…?
Just, you don’t know anybody. You never truly know anybody. It’s honestly the truth.
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7. Ok, well, say marriage is acceptable or appropriate, when is a good time to get married?
Like, 30. Like at 22, I’m still way too immature to get married, and people who get married at 18 are way too immature cuz you don’t know what you want. At 18, I thought I knew what I wanted and that changed from now. When I was 16, I thought I knew what I wanted and that changed. And when I’m 25, I’ll be like, “What the fuck was I thinking at 22?” It’s always evolving, always changing cuz you’re always evolving and changing.
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8. Do you ever imagine your own wedding?
On the beach. And I’m in white linen. I don’t know what the bride’s wearing, I don’t care. I’m in white linen and she’s in like a bathing suit.
Do you know why you imagine that?
Cuz I like the beach and that’s probably the only way you’d probably- you’d have to get me drunk first and on the beach to get me to actually go to my own wedding. That’s why she needs to be in a bathing suit, I’m a sucker for a girl in a bathing suit.
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9. How do you approach relationships?
Very carefully. I won’t date a girl unless I can already see myself marrying her. I can instantly look at a girl and know if she’s-
[Friend of Chris]: I thought you weren’t getting married!
I’m not but that’s why I don’t date girls anymore. I’ve seen some gorgeous girls but I look at them and I’m like, “I know I can never be with this person” and I’ll hang with them like girls I have relationshipped with lately. Great girls, everything I would want but instantly I look at them and know I don’t wanna be with them the rest of my life so I will never date them. Cuz it’s a waste of time cuz either you break up with them – a waste of time – or she breaks up with you and you have a broken heart. So why do it?
So, you get in a relationship for long term.
Long time. But lately I have changed a little so… Personal need. If that’s what it’s gonna take to “open the kitchen”, I may do it for – I will never have her be my girlfriend but I’ll play along. I’ll say the right things.
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10. Is it best to go fast or slow?
I try to go as fast as possible.
But would you say it’s better to go fast or slow?
I say fast is no big deal cuz, I mean, say you’re gonna date somebody for 6 months and you waited 3 months to have sex. What’s the point? Like, 3 months in you have sex with her, but we could’ve been having sex for the last 3 months but just starting doing it on day 1. No big deal.
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11. Why should you break up with somebody?
Cuz you don’t want to be with them anymore.
Is that it?
Cuz you found out they weren’t as rich as you thought they were.
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Oh yeah. I have a huge crush on this one girl. I’m leaving her name out of the report. Actually, it’s two girls. I’ll do one: one’s Katie by the pool. And the other girl goes to UF but I’ll leave out her name, but everybody knows who she is.
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Every so often. It’s that look, I see a girl, it’s like, “I wanna hold her” and that’s when I get a crush.
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14. How close are you to Mom and Dad?
Fuckin’ pretty close. They pretty much know most of my life stories.
Anything in particular come to mind?
My Mom takes me to the bars when I go home, she picks us up and she knows all my sexual stories, thanks to my friends.
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15. Do they act as your parents or your friends?
Nowadays? As roommates. They’re my roommates. When I go home they’re my roommates.
Were they ever divorced?
No.
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16. How do you think they feel about your life?
I don’t know. I think they see a lot more potential, but they’re also happy that I experienced life cuz my brother sits at home. They definitely think I get the most out of life that I can but academic wise and education wise, I’m not as focused as I should be cuz I come from an extremely focused family.
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17. Any siblings? You mentioned brother.
Un hermano una hermana. Too bad that was test 1 [Reference to recent Spanish exam].
How old are they?
My brother is 19, my sister is 18.
[Female friend of Chris]: Is your brother cute?
He’s the complete opposite of me. Been with one girl, kissed one girl. Been together for like four years. Only one he’s ever been with. And he is her biatch.
How do you act toward them? Do you treat them the same way you treat us or are you more protective?
I treat them the same. I try to give my brother words of wisdom. And my sister, I look over a little, but I don’t see them too much. There’s not much you need to be protective over. She hasn’t done anything too bad lately- err- ever.
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18. Would you want the same for them when they’re your age?
Yes, cuz they’re both very sheltered. He’s been with one girl for god’s sakes. You don’t know if you like chocolate until you try, if you eat ice cream all day – vanilla. Gotta taste different flavors.
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19. How did your parents act at your age?
I don’t know. I don’t really talk to them about their life.
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No.
Why not?
It’s probably the most ridiculous story to believe in. Like, sit down and think about the story you’re listening to. It’s just as bad as Santa Claus and all the other stuff. It just doesn’t make sense. Look at the world around you and then picture this thing: the earth is six thousand years old, dinosaurs and humans walked together on the Earth, a guy was able to get two of every animal and put them on the Ark, even though we’re discovering animals to this day and how did animals from other continents get to the Ark? And then, they reproduced with each other, which would’ve caused problems with the genes and stuff.
You mean Adam & Eve.
Adam and Eve and animals. If you had two of every animal… We have different religions because people tried to build a tower to the God – made all the workers speak a different language. C’mon. And then all it religion is, is what? There’s a million different ones. Religion is answers to the unanswerable. Instead of- people don’t like not knowing so we make up excuses. Take the Greeks: whatever the fuck they didn’t know was going on, they made a new god for.
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What about him? They’re could’ve been a person like Jesus on the Earth but it was just a person. Like, just like those- Mohammed and stuff like that. Could’ve walked the Earth, could’ve done, maybe done magical things but back in the day- crazy things could be seen as magic and was always seen as magic- black magic, it burned people at the stakes cuz they thought they were witches. 
So, in that respect, I don’t know. It’s a tall tale. Paul Bunyan, the same way. There’s a story about a guy who had a big, giant, blue ox. Pretty much the same basis. They didn’t build religion after it. Maybe they should. Wanna go to my Paul Bunyan religion school?
Bunyanism?
Bunyanism. I believe in Bunyanism.
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22. Do you believe in heaven or hell?
No, I don’t.
Why not?
Cuz, it goes along with religion. You die, you go in the ground. Again, people die, “I’m so scared of death. What’s gonna happen?” Oh my god, there this magical place where it rains rainbows and Lauren could eat all the ice cream she wants and you better be good or you’ll go to this bad place. Same thing with Santa, “Better be good or you’re gonna get coal in your stockings. Santa’s always watching you.” It’s exactly the same premises.
[Friend of Chris] There was a real guy named St. Nick though.
Exactly, maybe there was a guy named Jesus and they played him out to be this guy. Johnny Appleseed was a real person.
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23. So, besides that, are there other forms of afterlife? Like ghosts or reincarnation?
There is a lot of unexplained phenomenons and I don’t try to explain them. So, shit happens. I believe there’s definitely aliens somewhere. In the whole universe there’s definitely another planet that sustains life. Whether or not they visited us, I don’t know. Maybe we’re their test subjects, we’re their ants.
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24. Are you familiar with the Bible at all?
I’m aware of it, I used to go to like that shit. I was at vacation Bible school like every summer until I was of age to fuckin’ think for myself.
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25. Do you think it’s the literal word of God?
Definitely not. The Bible is someone’s opinions written down and from there, it is translated to another person’s opinion who preaches it to you- actually who in turn preached it… All they are is Tall Tales. All you’re learning is someone’s opinion of another guy’s opinion’s opinion and that’s what you listen to when you go to church.
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No.
Why not?
Again, you’re listening to people’s opinions. I’ll think for myself and go out and experience life.
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27. If someone is behaving differently from your attitudes about all this, is it your responsibility, or someone else’s, to try and change them?
Correct them? No. I hate missionary people. I don’t go out and try to ch- I’m not gonna change the way someone, who’s extremely religious, thinks. Me and Andre get in huge debates about that. I’m never gonna change- I’ll defend my argument and I’ll argue my point of view and he can argue his, but I’m never gonna change the way he thinks and he’s not gonna change the way I think. The only way is to show physical proof on either direction by like killing him and bringing him back to life to show there’s no God or by God coming down right now and giving me a ,”‘Sup dawg?” And why can’t he do that? I mean that’s all I ask. If he wants me to believe, just come down right now, appear, and be like,” What’s up dude? I’m really alive and [snaps fingers] go spread my good will.” And I’d be like,” Alright dude, I’m on it.”
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28. We’re gonna switch topics here. Do you drink?
Socially.
I take it that’s sarcasm.
No, it’s socially. I drink social. I’m a social drinker.
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29. When was your first drink?
At the age of 18, I believe.
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Peer pressure. Goin’ out to parties, didn’t drink, people made fun of me and slowly started having one drink; one drink led to two, and I got on that bottle and couldn’t stop. Girls became prettier…
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31. What’s your attitude toward drinking?
I like it. Keep it within reason. As long as drinking doesn’t control your life, it’s perfectly acceptable.
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32. How do you feel about cigarettes?
Don’t like ‘em. Hate the smell, hate the taste, hate making out with a girl who smokes.
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33. What other “drugs” have you done?
The only thing I would go with would be painkillers and Adderall. And I was prescribed these painkillers so, but I did take them with alcohol.
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34. Do you think you’ll ever try some of the harder stuff?
No.
Why not?
I like saying I never did. I don’t- actually, if you wanna do everything once, it’s ok as long as it’s not a real bad drug (especially after taking drugs and alcohol) just to experience it. Just to know the feeling of what it does but not do it again. Like, I feel doctors should know what it feels like to be on cocaine, especially if he’s treating a person who has like cocaine addiction. That’s why they taser a cop with a taser, so he knows what the fuck he’s doing when he tasers another person.
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35. Is it ok to use condoms or birth control?
Yes. It’s preferred. Actually, the birth control’s preferred. I’m not a fan of the condom.
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36. How do you feel about others using the stuff mentioned above?
I love it, it should be a law that every girl should be on birth control.
Well, not just condoms/birth control, but drinking/smoking/drugs.
To each their own.
Lauren: That’s what I said!
Ooh, we’re in love! But if you’re my girlfriend, you’re now a part of me and you’re a representation of me as I’m a representation of you, so you better not do that shit around me cuz I don’t want that to be associated with me.
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37. What’s your attitude towards other, in general? Strangers, stuff like that.
I think everybody thinks they’re better than what they are. I don’t know. Most guys are douche bags, most girls are way too stuck up around here but are really just hiding their insecurities that I love to point out and break them down. Every girl tries to act so powerful but once you can break them down and find their flaw they’re…
How do you treat strangers?
I treat someone with respect until they don’t give me respect back. The second they don’t, I lose all association with them. But I never think anybody is better than me.
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38. How does someone become a friend?
Common interests, hang out, and- when I want to spend time with you, you’re a friend.
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40. I don’t mean to be condescending, do you have friends?
Facebook says yes.
But?
I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of very close friends.
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41. How do you feel about them?
I like a lot of them, some of them piss me off. Some of them have traits that if I met ‘em out on the street, I would probably would not like. But just from knowing them so long or knowing them before they turned this way, they’re great friends.
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42. How do you think they feel about you?
Same way. I’m sure there’s traits they don’t like that I do but I’m there for them. I like to think that everybody says, “Oh yeah, Chris’s a good friend.”
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Yeah.
Anything in particular?
When you can spend the night in the same bed together and know he won’t take advantage of you. That’s friends.
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44. Do they upset you sometimes or make you feel bad?
Yeah, they piss me off. All the time. Just like anybody does.
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45. Do you piss them off or make them feel bad?
Oh, I’m sure I do. I piss Ty [Chris' roommate] off all the time. And I piss other people off. But my close friends I like to feel are family. There’s nothing my brother can do to make me not be his brother and be his friend. So my friends, the same way. Like, they can sleep with my girlfriend. I’d be pissed for a while but whatever. Bros before ho’s.
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46. Is there anything that will ever drive you guys apart?
Love of my two crushes.
So, women?
Women should never drive me apart. Maybe they would make it drive it apart but I will never drive it apart. Like if I had a girl and they wanted her so bad, that it drove a friend apart, but whatever, dude.
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47. Ever wish you could meet new people?
All the time. I like meeting new people, actually. I love meeting- especially new girls. It’s like the excitement of what- it’s like unraveling a package. Like, what are you gonna uncover? What personality are they gonna have? What are they gonna like, not like? It’s exciting.
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48. If you had to describe yourself, in a word or in a category, how would you?
I’d say God-like.
Any reason in particular?
Well, from what I hear, God’s pretty amazing. We do have a lot of things in common.
But you don’t believe in God.
From what I hear. But if I was to believe in God, he’d be me. Maybe I am God.
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49. Do you find yourself attractive or appealing, physically?
I like to think so. I like to say I take care of myself and I would like the opposite sex to do the same. I worked hard for this body and I would want my girlfriend to work hard for her body.
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50. What about non-physically?
Mentally? I think I can put up some good conversations. I’ve never found a girl that’s smarter than me.
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51. I hesitate to ask, do you have low self-esteem?
Yes and no. I portray a very strong individual, but when I go out I’m always doubtful of myself. There’s a lot of self doubt. Especially in the clubs. I always take it as everybody don’t like me before they like me. I don’t know why.
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52. Have you ever been depressed?
Yes.
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53. How do you rationalize successes and failures? Is it your fault or…
What do you mean? I say monetary.
Well, what was your last test grade?
75.
Now, what caused that? Did your studying cause that or was the test hard?
God caused it when he made everyone speak a different language. So if he didn’t do that, I wouldn’t have to be learning Spanish right now. So, it’s God’ fault I got a 75.
What was the last good test grade you had?
My drugs and alcohol test: a ninety-something.
Now did you study for that?
Yes.
So, did your studying cause the A or was it an easy test?
I think my experiences in life caused the A.
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54. This is a theory I submit to, I’m a proponent of it: it’s the theory that everyone is in love with themselves.
No. Definitely not. Many people are extremely unhappy with themselves and wish they were someone else. I even wish I was a different person. But I’m happy with who I am over being other people. You can always be better.
Do you have to love yourself before others can?
No, I think other people can fall in love with you before you love yourself.
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55. Are you outgoing or introverted?
I am both. I can be very outgoing at times and, in unfamiliar situations, I’m a big introvert.
You have to have a comfort level.
Yeah. If it’s everybody I know, I’m the life of the party. If it’s a party I don’t know, I’m more reserved.
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56. How does you behavior change from small groups to medium groups to big groups?
I don’t care what I do or what I say in small groups. I watch myself in semi-big groups. And in big groups I don’t like to make an ass of myself. I like to leave a good first impression.
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57. What about over different environments? Like at the apartment or the gym or class.
I act accordingly to my situation. I don’t act like this in the workplace.
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I, uh…If you talk to a lot the girls I been with, I think they would be happy. And recommend me to a friend.
In your opinion, are you worth it?
I’m definitely worth it. I’m amazing.
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Eh, it could be better. No matter who you’re with, it could be better. The girl could be prettier…
What about emotionally?
Emotionally? I’ve only had one girl have emotional sex with and it was pretty good but I don’t know if [gibberish]. She’s my only experience so I can’t comment on that too well cuz I need to have to relation someone else and experience sex cuz maybe going back to her I’d be like,” No, I don’t have that anymore.”
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60. Were you scared, happy, anxious, guilty your first time?
I wasn’t scared, I was anxious to do it. That’s about it.
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61. When is sex ok?
Sex is a normal part of life. It’s ok in everyday. And it’s not a big- like people put sex on this huge pedestal but when you’re 26 and 27, like everybody’s like,” Oh, I’m so afraid to hook up with one more person.” They’re in this high school mentality. You dated someone for 6 months before you let them have sex, when you’re now 27. Say you started having sex at 18 and you’re now 30 and still single, right? And you had sex maybe on average 2 people a year, which is not a lot of people by any means. That’s what, 22 people you’ve had sex with now. What’s 23 gonna do?
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62. Is it an indicator of a relationship?
No, not at all. Sex is something enjoyable that two people get to do.
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63. What’s taboo?
What is taboo? Nothing taboo.
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64. Now, the question is, “Ever think you’ll do some crazy stuff?” but should it be, “Have you done any crazy stuff?”
I have. I have experienced things. I’d say you’d like to experience everything once. With exceptions.
Lauren: Like have sex with a guy.
Yeah. That.
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Not at this moment. Am I sexually active?
Yes.
But once you have sex, aren’t you sexually active?
Well, yeah, but right now; in this present time-sense.
I haven’t had sex today if that’s what you’re asking. Now, if you’re asking whether I’ll have sex by the end of tonight? Maybe. You never know.
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66. Why?
Girls are sluts.
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67. How many have you been with?
[Laughs] I been trying to figure that out. I’ll go with 21.
It was 30 the other day.
All right, what do you consider having sex? That’s another question I’ve had. Once the penis enters the vagina, is that sex? If you don’t finish is that sex? If you play just the tip, is that sex? Just the tip, just to see how it feels.
Chris, how many have you been with?
I’m gonna go with like twenty-, twenty-three.
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68. What is an ok number?
For a person my age? And my history?
In general.
Like, if you had a girlfriend for 4 years, you would definitely be lower but if you had a girlfriend for 6 months of your life… I think 23 is perfectly fine.
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69. Does that number change from girls to guys?
Yes.
What’s the difference?
Girls need to be lower. There’s always a double standard. Never try to say there isn’t.
[Upon future inspection, it was found that ‘love' consists of two vowels and two consonants.]
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